The Big Four...Oh, It’s More Than Just a Number!
People keep telling me that “forty is just a number” or “you’re only as old as you feel.” Well, I call baloney! Some days I feel like I’m ninety, while other days I’m still twenty. Of course, when I’m asked to put my age down, they want to know my actual age, not the age I feel, and soon I’ll be forty. Men have a way of becoming distinguished as they get older, and well, women just get old.
As I sit here writing, I am five days from my fortieth birthday, and I honestly had no idea how I felt about it until a few days ago. I have gone through several emotional states: depressed, happy, sad. Finally, after talking with a close friend, I figured it out—I am weary and maybe a tad bit disillusioned. When I started my new journey in 2014, I thought that I would be at a different place by the time I hit this age. I’m not saying that I have not had many successes over the years, but I am just not where I hoped to be. Have you ever felt that way? Even though things are going well, you just feel off? Like you aren’t moving forward? I have so many things to feel happy about, so many blessings. I have a wonderful husband and two amazing boys. I homeschool and work from home for a company with people I respect and care greatly for. I have published two books and started my own business. I have lost a lot of weight and I am doing things I never thought I would. So why do I feel like this?
I feel weary because I like to be busy, and even though I have my new life full of wonderful things, I end up burned out and tired. Personally, I love all the things I do and normally manage many things at the same time, like most women, but because of life stresses and the impending anniversary of my birth approaching, I am just weary and could use a break; maybe a mini vacation or just a good cry to wash all the weariness away.
I am also a touch disillusioned because of a sudden, dramatic change the first year after my surgery. Now that things have slowed down, that disappointment is setting in. I had it in my mind that by the “big forty” I would be at my ideal weight, throwing a big party in a knockout red dress and making everyone’s jaws drop. I know, awesome fantasy right? Well, I’m not at my ideal weight and my husband has switched jobs, so no big party.
Forty is approaching quicker than I would like, but in all honesty, it is going to come and go just like twenty, thirty, and thirty-five. My life will go on and I will continue to praise God for my blessings and my family. I will continue to share my story and try to help others who need it. I will keep building my business and working diligently to make it a success. I will hold all the memories I make close to my heart and live life to the fullest.
Forty may be just a number, but it is a number that means something. It means I have spent forty years learning and growing. It means that I can take what I have learned and share it with those who haven’t gotten there yet, and I feel good about that.
To make me feel even better, my husband likes to remind me that he is two years older, so no matter how old I get, he will always ahead of me! Thanks babe!